


Would

by haosmullet



Series: 30 Stories for 30 Songs [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cry but a happy cry in the end, Cute Ending, Friends With Benefits, Fuckboy! Jaehyun, Just mentioning, Lee Taeyong is Whipped, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Random Song Challenge, Taeyong is just cutely in love really, be careful kids, mentions of drinking, nothing explicit at all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-07 11:34:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16853257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haosmullet/pseuds/haosmullet
Summary: 30 random songs challenge.Taeyong and Jaehyun were friends at the very beginning. But Taeyong's feelings couldn't be hidden for that long. Would 'friends with benefits' be the best way out for their situation?Part 1: JaeYong;Song 1: Tendae [텐데] - Bobby





	Would

They’d known each other since always, so did their families. They, actually were almost one big family all together. So maybe it did felt kind of weird at first to Taeyong to face all of that messy feelings for Jaehyun. It wasn’t at the beginning, obviously, as they were kids. But starting on high school maybe. It was just that Jaehyun was so charming, he was so nice and caring, how could he prevent from feeling like that? 

College did not help at all. Deciding on going to the same one, not on purpose actually. Taeyong thought that would be the perfect time to free his mind from being stuck on the boy. Unless, obviously, they had to meet every day on campus. Taeyong chose to major on Dance for Performative Arts, while Jaehyun decided on Literature. It was expected for Taeyong; the boy always had a great interest on poetry, reciting and writing and reading for him for endless hours on visits. And Taeyong got lost on the sound of his voice, on the way his eyes seemed to light up like ten thousand stars shining at the same time; he could look really biased on that opinion, but Taeyong thought the boy was really a great writer, and performer, and everything, actually. 

 

**[02:24AM] Jae:** Are you still awake?   
**[02:32AM] Jae:** TYongie?   
**[02:33AM] Jae:** I just wanted to see you..   
**[02:35AM] You:** Now I’m awake.. Yes.. 

That whole mess started out of the same. Alcohol. A college party at the Arts department, at the end of the first semester. Too much drinking from Taeyong, trying himself to figure out by that on how to cope with his repressed feelings. Something he was trying to deal with for years, and now that his chance on forgetting the boy was ruined by fate, that prankster, he had to clean his mind the best he could. Probably drinking was not the best alternative but, despair was talking instead of reason to the boy. 

Too much drinking leading to too much talking, leading to saying things that were meant to be secret to Jaehyun. For sure the worse way to confess to someone would be when both of the involved people were rather high. He, however, could remember everything from that day. Strangely conscious of his attitudes. Conscious of choosing to follow Jaehyun to his bedroom, and choosing to accept and return the sloppy kiss, that grew to more kisses, that grew to himself in Jaehyun’s bed on the next morning, pending between regret and satisfaction. 

Jaehyun who was pretty aware of what had happened also suggested that weird label to that crazy thing that was happening on their lives, ‘Friends with Benefits’. Not really what Taeyong expected, but he accepted the conditions anyways. He could be together with Jaehyun and that made his heart happy at first. 

 

And it really went well at first, so well Taeyong questioned why hadn’t he suggested that longer ago. Jaehyun made him feel special, loved, and wanted. And Taeyong wanted exactly that form the boy, it was like he had gotten what he wished upon a star just by the occasion of drinks taking away all of his fears. It was a good plan, if he thought about it, no commitment so it wouldn’t be weird to deal with family and all. 

But that also meant no feeling involved. Although it had yet started because of Taeyong’s burning feelings. They had to be felt only for him now. Well, they were only his always so it made no difference. The only thing different now was that sometimes he could turn some of his secret fantasies into reality. Sometimes he could share one single bed with the boy for the night. 

However, the morning always came. Without missing one single day. Although Taeyong most frequently wished that the night would have more and more hours, so he could enjoy the boy’s embrace, his warmth - even on hot days -, so he could admire for just a little longer his beautiful traits, the way his messy hair would make the perfect mold for his face. 

And it had to end. Even if he didn’t wanted to, it ended, and life would go on and on and on on the next day. And Jaehyun was, actually, pretty popular. Too popular for Taeyong’s eyes, for sure. Always meeting him with some other boy, or some other girl, being too close for Taeyong’s comfort. Sometimes the other person would even be using one of Jaehyun’s shirts, something that Taeyong loved doing in the morning that would stubbornly come. 

That was also part of the ‘Friends With Benefits’ thing, but surely it was a part that made Taeyong reconsider everything by some point on their relationship. If that was a relationship after all. He couldn’t understand. He made Taeyong feel so special one day, but on the other night he would be hanging around someone else. And all of that confusion turned into sadness, that fastly turned into missing Jaehyun on that cursed nights in which he wouldn’t know what the boy was doing, or where he was, or with whom. 

 

And yet. 

 

‘Taeyongie? Hey!’ too silly laughs on the other side of the call. 

‘Hi, Jaehyun. What’s up? Did something happen?’ those sometimes current calls at 3 in the morning on weekends would wake Taeyong up. 

‘I-I’m tired, I wanna go home’ would say a very, highly drunk Jaehyun, ‘can you please pick me up?’ laughing.

Taking a deep breath, Taeyong would constantly reply ‘Yes, sure. Just.. tell me where are you’ 

 

Confusion. That’s all Taeyong could feel after all. They weren’t in a relationship but they seemed so intimate to not be at one. Jaehyun had options to chose but he always seemed to run to Taeyong as if he was his boyfriend sometimes. But right after, the loneliness would come back. It was like a boomerang, coming and going, coming and going and never stopping at one place only. 

 

‘You have to put an end to it, Taeyong, you can’t keep that going’ said Doyoung, for the 19082091828th time already, always looking really worried about Taeyong’s feelings; even more worried than the boy himself. 

‘I can’t.. I don’t know.. I can’t seem to get out of this maze’ 

‘This is not being good to you anymore. You seem to be more hurt everytime you see each other. I’ve told you already, so many times! You have to end it for good.’ 

‘It’s too easy to talk, really. I know I have to solve that but.. I don’t know how to do that’ 

‘Maybe if you stopped running to him everytime he texted you, it would be a start really.’ 

‘I’ll think about it’ answered Taeyong, facing the floor, trying to avoid the topic as best as he could. 

‘No, Taeyong. You won’t. You have to decide it now. This thing between you both has been going on for two years, and you’re just pushing it forward and forward, and I can’t stand seeing you like that anymore. Will you act up or should I, myself, do something in your place?’ replied a very upset Doyoung. Taeyong didn’t blame him for that reaction, at all. He was completely right, and Taeyong knew it. He listened to the boy’s worries all that time and they didn’t seem to be solved ever. 

‘Ok’ 

‘Ok what, Taeyong?’ 

‘Ok, I will stop it. I will ignore him, right? I will’ 

 

He tried, indeed. He started to ignore his texts. And his calls. He started to ignore his every contact trial. He would even run away and hide from him when Taeyong would spot the boy on campus. Although it hurted him, a lot. He everytime questioned himself if that was worthy, if that wouldn’t hurt him more than staying with him on such conditions, but everytime he would see Jaehyun with someone else, he would be more convinced that he was doing the correct thing. Doyoung also kept on lecturing him on self-love, on getting out of that situation if that hurt his feelings. And the boy was pretty convincing, in the end. 

 

But Jaehyun was also really dedicated. Really trying to talk to Taeyong. Although it didn’t make any sense at that point, after a week. Continuous calls, texts of ‘hey, where are you’ ‘why are you not answering me?’ ‘are you mad at me?’ ‘what is going on?’ without reply. It wouldn’t last long, Taeyong was aware of that. So aware that when he heard that distinct knock on his door on the week’s sunday night, he knew exactly who it was. 

‘Hey? I thought you’ve moved out, why are you not answering me?’ started Jaehyun, making his way into Taeyong’s room. No replies once again, Taeyong didn’t really know how to answer that question, truly. 

‘So are you just going to ignore me in person too?’ said the boy, a rather annoyed look on his face. 

‘I-’ Taeyong took a deep breath, choosing the right words to express what he was feeling, trying to prevent tears from being formed on the back of his eyes, ‘I think we should stop all of that’ 

‘What.. do you mean?’ 

‘We should stop, stop this friends with benefits story, I.. I can’t do that anymore’ 

‘Why.. why are you saying that?’ a very confused expression planted on Jaehyun’s face on that moment. 

‘You know it very well why, Jaehyun’ 

‘If I knew it then why would I be asking you that? I thought we were having a good time still’ 

‘We are, but that’s the problem, Jaehyun, and you know it! You know it, you know about my feelings, you know that I love you and it hurts so much.. It hurts me so much to see you with other people. You say we’re friends but I’m the one always taking care of you when you’re too drunk to even care, you say we’re almost like family but why do you even kiss me then? I’m confused and I don’t want that feeling, I don’t want to be hurt constantly because of you, I can’t take that anymore’ Taeyong let it out, along with that said tears that couldn’t be held; he couldn’t prevent them from escaping. 

‘So what do you want from me, Taeyong?’ 

‘I want you and me, only you and me. I want all of those clichès of movies, I want to call you ‘baby’, I want dates on restaurantes and movies and parks, and ice creams on summer. I want everything. It would be nice to be with you, I wouldn’t feel so lonely like that. I want us, only us’ 

Jaehyun looked rather surprised, but a happy smirk could be seen at the end of his perfectly designed lips. ‘So you want to be exclusive?’ 

‘I- I mean, I do. But that’s clearly not what you want, Jaehyun. If you wanted to, you wouldn’t be going out with other people’ 

‘I thought you were over me. I thought you had a crush on me and that it was over since we started all of this. Because you never really said anything about anyone I’d be with, and I wanted to. I.. I was being selfish. I never really talked to you about any of this but, how could you not see? You’re far more important to me than anyone would ever be. Why would I even call you when I feel bad, or lonely, or when I can’t really do anything for myself? I’m not stupid when I drink, and I was not calling you because of that. Why would I even call you on other situations? We’re not always having sex. Why would I know about your preferences, why would I keep your favorite ice cream on my refrigerator, since you mentioned that? Taeyong.. You’re the only one who can’t see that’ 

‘I- I didn’t really know about that’ 

‘What? You thought I just liked that flavor? I hate it, but you love it so I eat it with you’ Taeyong’s tears couldn’t help but fall harder form that confession, was it real? 

‘Are you being serious or are you just playing with my feelings now?’ 

Jaehyun got close to the boy, slowly, calmly, wondering if a simple touch would make him push him away forever. He offered his arms, involving the boy on his so well known embrace. 

‘I’m not playing. I really love you too, Taeyong. And if you want it to be just you and me from now on, then it will be just you and me. Only us.’ Jaehyun said, looking at the boy’s tearful eyes, with tears on his own. 

‘Do you promise me that?’ Taeyong said, almost whispering, thinking that any loud noise could take him away from that dream-like reality in which he was now inserted. 

‘I promise you. Just you and me’

**Author's Note:**

> Hey!  
> So, what did you think? Tell me! :)  
> Please, leave comments, suggestions or just anything you want! 
> 
> I really love this song so much, I was really happy when it came out on random! 
> 
> If you wish to request me anything, or just chat about kpop, hit my dm on twitter @mhaosmullet!  
> See ya!


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